Monday, November 22

i'll call it project z

why?
because i'm a sucker for my english name.
no worries,
the title does not matter much
what does matter is that i stick to this project day after day.
that i commit
that i persevere

and one day long after this one
i will click on the label "project z"
and there will be tens of hundreds of posts
wowowowowowowo
very impressive.
i shall be happy
teeming with glee

Project Z is a daily research on a certain subject.
the subject should not be too broad
not least because it would be hard on myself,
but for the longevity of the said project.

why volunteering to the point of creating such a time consuming project?
because what time isn't consumed in it will be hurled into a black hole
it will be wasted in something like, oh i don't know
something like schoolwork i guess
i'm just very unsure of myself. ok?
where the project will lead - no idea.
so lets start
it's all very exciting!
to embark on a meaningless mapless journey
doesn't get much better.


what i have to confront

생각하기싫지만생각해봐야할것같아
아오미친듯이화내고싶지만냉정하게대해야할것같아
격한감정을달래는건불쾌한일이야
가만히있던애한테군복입히고총쥐어주고훈련시키고군모까지썼는데
아니,야,전쟁취소됐대
라는건정말맥빠지는일이잖아!이건사실이야
원래대로가만히놔두면또달랐겠지만다자극시켜놓고뭐하는짓이야!안그래??

아무튼그래도나는잠시총을내려놓고곰곰히생각해봐야겠어
난뭐때문에그런거지
나도몰라
모르는데자꾸물어보네
거짓된행동이라는건아니야
절대아니야
난그어느때보다솔직한반응을보였을뿐이야
아무거짓도없이아무런위선이나꾸밈없이가장순수한행동이였어
그리고무엇보다더이상참을수없어서어쩔수없이보인모습이었어
ㅇㅇㅇ난그렇게굳게믿고있어
근데그럼난뭐에반응을한거지,정확히뭐냐고
정확히뭐때문에반미친거지
아아아아내신발은자동차밑을뚫을만한위력이었지
후련했어
속이다시원했어
무슨말때문에
무슨시선때문에
무슨전제때문에
그런위력을서슴없이보인걸까
아이아이아이아이나도몰라
알았으면좋겠다정말정말좋겠다

나의가장아픈곳을만진것같아
맞아
그랬을거야그거밖에없어
그러면이모든것의답을찾으면
내상처도보일테고
내상처가드러나면
치료도할수있겠지
최소한매만져줄순있겠지
음그럼쫌위로가된다!




it lifts one up
it does it does,
come on in where the music is lit
everything's good
the tears the hurt the anger
out taking a rain check
and me and me alone
here with a moment of peace
serenity.

so this is life, is it?
so this is where everybody's been
what i've been missing out on
where my insecurities have been searching for

ah
but you know
it's too late
just too late
tardy
and time isn't meant to be turned back


Saturday, November 20

a big round of applause

난모범관원이니까

더 나은 스포츠 환경을 위해

감동적이야!!!이CF
마음에들어ㅇㅇㅇ





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2007 : 17


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16697 : 100


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