writing is weird.

it's weird because although writing is a form of expression that allows me to let go,

and allows me to vent a lot of the ugly things inside me

(a part of the ugly dwells interminably, i have no doubt..),

it also creates an ugly -

writing makes and breaks.

so I'm walking through an alley,

I'm climbing the stairs,

I'm having a conversation,

and BOOM!

an unbelievable itch breaks out in my body

and the moment the itch hits, i know what it is : the rant of the day.

it's so unpredictable, so inevitable, and so ingenious

that I have to remember the itch and why it came.

i have to record the topic that came to me, or else, I'm doomed for all eternity.

honestly.

if i don't get it when it was given,

if i just let it go like an irresponsible idiot,

i'll know i let it slip.

and i'll remember with horror that i gave up on the chance to spill my heart out

on something worth spilling one's heart out.

i think that's a grammatical glitch just there.

and that's when I thought of David:

"That shit don't mean fuck to me"

- David Sedaris

looking for the best magazine articles

i've been at it like an addict.

i've been trying to hunt down the best magazine articles available on the internet

and i've been trying to do this by searching lists.

lists -

lists with names like "Top 25 magazine articles of the decade", "The best magazine articles ever",

and so on and so forth.

it was ugly.

it was aggravating, frustrating, annoyingly time-consuming.

and it all boiled down to this :

I DIDN'T GET WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.

after god knows how many columns, essays, and specials

of god knows how many journals, weeklies, and monthlies,

in god knows how many 'best', 'top', and 'greatest' lists,

i was futile.

JEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZUS

i was angry - very very angry.

i didn't like this.

but then i did.

i thought about the situation, and was relieved.

i was relieved,

because what I yearned for wasn't something compiled in a common list.

it wasn't something so easy to find

which means I'm looking for something extraordinary, something magnificent

which means I've got high standards,

which means I am not mediocre.

and when I find something satisfying, something that can quench this thirst,

I will hold it up in the air

and it will be a jem.

it will be a beautiful thing,

something so much more than a mere line on some cheap list.

today

i ate for breakfast

rice, milk, a cookie, and tea

i ate for lunch

rice with kimchi & tuna

i ate for dinner

2/3 of a bottle of yogurt

and somewhere in between the three meals,

i had 1/3 of a bagel

oh and some coffee.

i spent 4,000W for lunch; 3,500W for dinner; 2,000W for coffee; 600W for printing;

and 600W+daily commuting toll for transportation.

i need to cut back on a lot of things

외모

1

아까인터넷에서유명인사들젊은시절사진을봤어

유명해지기전에찍힌모습이었는데

드럽게못생겼더라고ㅇ

전혀celebrity같지도않고,

아니그니까평범한것도아니고진짜이상하게생겼어

이해해?

근데말이야

중요한건이거야!

능력있는사람은멋있어보인다는거지.

우와

신난다

그니까나도멋있는사람이될수있는거야

그니까나도미친능력을갖춰서마구휘두르면

지나가는사람마다'우와정말멋있는사람이다.딱능력있게생겼다'라는말을듣겠어

2

외모는중요해

ㅇ맞아

못생기면안되

능력있어도생긴게매력없으면다소용없어.

다소용없다고!!!

존경받는기업에서고위직을차지하고몇십억씩하는연봉을받으며권력이넘쳐나서

오늘은신라호텔에서자야지하며선물받은딱봐도'나비싸'하는차몰고로비에기사가내려줬는데

존나못생겨봐

그게뭐냐고.

그림깨잖아

다시돌아가서,찌이이이이이이이이이익!

미친비싼차타고신라호텔앞에섰어.

벨보이가뒷문을열어주는데

나오는사람이겁나멋있고딱봐도능력있는사람이야.

로비지나가는사람들이한번씩존경의눈으로쳐다봐.

그게성공이지, 안그래?

3

존경하는사람이생겼어

능력,매력,권력,즉모든걸갖춘사람이야

미친멋있어

Christine Lagarde.

킁킁거리지마

아오옆에사람이앉았는데

킁킁거리는사람이야

짜증나미칠거같잖아

가버리라고!

다같이킁킁거리는곳으로가버리라고

가버려가버려