Wednesday, October 27

71

71점이라니71점!100점중71점이고평균보다낮은점수야
어쩌다가이렇게됐지이해가안갔어기분이너무안좋아서그많은인파를파헤치며뛰쳐나가고싶었어술을벌컥벌컥마시고드럽게토하고싶었어종이를찢고다시시험보기직전의순간으로돌아가서문제를하나하나미친듯이풀고싶었어내옆의애한테아니,생각보다괜찮지않아라고말해주고싶었고목청이찢어지도록괴성을지르고싶었고라디오도크게해서듣고싶었어그치만나는책상에얌전히앉아서교수님이친절히얘기해주시는문제풀이를듣고있었어벽과사람들사이에쳐박혀있었고예절상식개념논리합리따위에내몸이묶여있어서마음속으로울면서가만히있었어아아아힘들었어아아아
오늘밤에는라디오를틀고음악을틀고클래식을틀고병맥주를병따개로따고의자에누워서내마음속을소리와술로채울거야그럼지금그속에있는눈물과못난것들은없어질거야눈물을머금고뭘볼수있겠어이제난집중해야되난꼭해야되는게있어성공그랭성공을꼭해야되오늘은너무잔인했잖아두번다시이런일이없을거야울어도교재에눈물을뚝뚝흘리며책을봐야지책을볼거야있잖아난가슴이콱막혀왔어오늘그딴점수를보고미친슬펐어왜왜왜!이번에한게제대로가아니라면어쩌라는거지ㅇ?오늘은진짜화보다슬픈게커서나도놀랐어얼른혼자만의곳이있어야하는데말이야

Sunday, October 24

from bukowski

he says, he says

1.don't try
2.these words i write keep me from total madness

dunhill dream

don't remember the details but
i had dunhills in a sack
i was a wanderer, running
or somewhat
from place to place with
dunhills in a sack.

and it was all right
it was all right that i had no place to welcome me
as long as i had those dunhills in my sack
it was better that way
more than having places to call home and people to call family
it was better to have something right in that sack
as i dragged it along,
i knew it was all i needed.

i was better than all the other suckers in this world.

Saturday, October 23

get any hater than this?

얼마나싫어하냐면
밥먹을때쩝쩝거리는소리들리면미칠것같아
책상에머리박고싶어
진짜야
세상에서가장듣기싫은소리.압도적으로.

Monday, October 18

얼른

너무힘들었는데잘쳐서다행.
다시는벼락치기따위는하지않아야지
사람들이자꾸뒤에서보는것같아
짜증나ㅏㅏ
얼른혼자만의곳으로가야지
얼른네면의벽에둘러싸여야해
시간이얼마남지않았어!얼른
얼른해야해
왜항상사람들은기다리는거야기다리면안된다니까기다리면너무늦어버린다니까
늦으면소용없어.
뒤늦게약쳐발라도불쾌하기만해
ㅇ?알아??아냐고!
그럼약올리지마.
나한테얼마나시급한일인지안보여? 진심?
미룰걸미뤄야지모든게얼른이걸해치우는거에달렸어
너무뻔하잖아
나도괜찮아질수있는데.


Friday, October 1

조형학부건물을지나는데

감동적이었다
우리와다르게정말무언가를하고있는것같았다
조용히묵묵히한구석에쳐박혀열심이었다.아무도모르게.

이상
거대한경영관에가려보이지도않는
정말부끄러울정도로허접한조형학부건물이었다.

산책

요새걷는게좋다.산책이좋다.
밤에학교는멋있어서산책을안할수가없다!

걷다보면많은걸보게된다
사람들을보고
나무를보고
건물을보고
흔적을본다.

어디는비었고어디는불이켜있는지보인다
어디는강의실로만쓰이고어디는밤늦게까지사람들로웅성이는지보인다
어디는사람이많이모이고,
어디는여자들이담배피러가고,
어디는혼자있기위해찾아가는지,
이렇게 중요한것들을 볼수있다.

누구에게나공개된모습들이지만왠지나혼자걷는것같고
나혼자만밖인것같고
너무너무조용한것같고
고요히평화롭고,불빛도다은은하게비밀스럽게비추느라
괜히훔쳐보는느낌같다.
정말중대한일이진행중일것같다. 불켜진창문을볼때마다. 저기캠퍼스한구석에쳐박힌
허름하기짝이없는 조형학부건물앞에서 작업하는 멋있는사람들을 볼때마다.

as if all the activities during the day were commentary
and what i saw in the night was what really mattered.
as if this is when everything real took place,
the stuff that moved the world.
the deep, profound, momentous stuff.
peeking in, i almost feel i'm a part of this mysterious workings.