Wednesday, August 25
Saturday, August 7
nothing is worse than stopping.
I hate resting, I hate sleeping, lying idle in my bed
it disgusts me.
If you're not sure of something, the best follow-up action is to keep going.
the best way to confirm or debunk the suspicion is to keep at it.
don't ever stop
you won't get anywhere.
"If you're going through hell, keep going"
what is it that i want
the missing question mark is deliberate, because this is not a question.
it's not the tranquility-
not the clean air,
not the striking sunsets,not the friendly neighbors,
and in fact I'd be so fucking depressed to live in a peaceful place with loving people and pretty flowers.
I'd hate myself if I had to wake up everyday to a warm, generous world.
I'd hate myself.
I want to live a hectic life.
full of risks, full of setbacks, failures,
and when I lie down on my bed at the end of the day, I will smile in satisfaction
because the day has been an utter catastrophe, nothing but a gorgeous breakdown one after another,
and yet -
I'm still here.
I will not hesitate to make my life a battleground
knowing that I can and will win every battle.
This is my dream.
This is my idea of success.
and I swear to god, I will be triumphant.
Friday, August 6
스무디킹 (연아어쩌구 SMALL로),
콩불먹고 배속이 뒤집어지는줄알았다
그러고저녁에연진이만났는데 걔가 고대근처에서 인도음식먹고싶다길래
야채커리, 버터난, 그리고 망고주스를시켜서 먹었다
다먹고 연진이는친구만나고 나는학교에서책좀읽으려고 열람실에왔다
피곤했지만 연진이가 있다가 같이 지현언니만나자고해서 버티고있었는데
언제만날거냐고문자해보니 아무래도안만나게될것같다고해서 또기분이무지나빴다
너무너무피곤해서 집에가는데 버스에서 내리기가힘들었다
많이먹은날이라운동을해야했지만 집에가자마자 자버렸다
Monday, August 2
the end of my summer vacation is near.
It is my first vacation as a university student, and I am in ruins
nothing unexpected, considering my past 9 months.
but still, i feel it is imperative to achieve some sort of tangible progress
i have chosen two specific goals.
one is losing weight
the other is reading books,
books by the dozen,
books that are profound,
something to shake me up -
because nothing else will work, and I am damned if this fails as well.
so here's to literature,
to significance -
and I take it with a leap of faith
and I jump off the cliff, knowing it is all or nothing.
50여분간 나갔고 10분연속 두번 달렸다
두번째 10분은 정말 힘들었다
그만두고싶었지만 끝까지 당당하게해야만 의미있을거란 생각이 들었다
운동뿐만 아니라 무엇을 하든지 끝까지 해야만 조금이라도 하는 거라는 생각이 들었다
그래서 정신차리고 해냈다
복숭아홍차 2포, 복숭아2조각, 삶은달걀2개
파리바게트에서 산 크로와상 1개, 디럭스샌드위치
아메리카노, 블루베리베이글 반조각+크림치즈
저녁에는 지혜랑 커피벨에서 카페모카를 마시며 브리오슈를 먹고
오늘은 더이상 뭐 안먹을 계획이다